Historical Tweets » Comically Old

Shakespeare’s SO Topical: Blackberry Outage

Twitter Historian — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 09:36:21 +0000

Henry VIII Offers Marriage Advice

Twitter Historian — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 08:22:07 +0000

Fresh From the Book (Released Today): Magellan’s Tweets

Twitter Historian — Tue, 27 Apr 2010 20:30:33 +0000

*BRAND NEW FOR THE BOOK*
Magellan’s tweet is one of over 80 never-before-seen tweets, only in Historical Tweets: The Completely Unabridged and Ridiculously Brief History of the World, hitting bookstores around the U.S. and Canada today!

Magellan (@LikeaFelon): These new shoe inserts are incredibly comfortable.

PRETWEET: Michelangelo’s Advice for Young Artists

Twitter Historian — Thu, 22 Apr 2010 14:05:59 +0000

*BRAND NEW FOR THE BOOK*
Naive young artists have been duped for years, and Michelangelo’s had enough.

His tweet about his “Sistine Gig” is one of over 80 never-before-seen tweets, only in the new book Historical Tweets: The Completely Unabridged and Ridiculously Brief History of the World, hitting bookstores around the U.S. and Canada just 5 days from today! Have you pre-ordered yet?

Michelangelo (@ArtyMike): Advice for young artists: Visit the site before quoting a price for a “simple ceiling paint job.”

Page 40 in Historical Tweets: The Completely Unabridged and Ridiculously Brief History of the World

PRETWEET: This Greek Gets No Love

Twitter Historian — Fri, 16 Apr 2010 16:55:09 +0000

Plato (@Mentalist): So tired of the “let’s be friends” talk
PAGE 24 from the forthcoming book: Historical Tweets: The Completely Unabridged and Ridiculously Brief History of the World

Pretweets from the Book: Caveman Bro-Hugs (new)

Twitter Historian — Thu, 15 Apr 2010 20:11:25 +0000

*BRAND NEW*
Thrag’s tweet is one of over 80 never-before-seen tweets, only in Historical Tweets: The Completely Unabridged and Ridiculously Brief History of the World, hitting bookstores around the U.S. and Canada in just 12 days!

Caveman Thrag: Male bonding with my crew today, asking the quintessential question: Betty or Wilma?
Page 9 in Historical Tweets: The Completely Unabridged and Ridiculously Brief History of the World

“Pretweets” from the Book: The Acropolis (New)

Twitter Historian — Mon, 12 Apr 2010 16:00:35 +0000

*BRAND NEW FOR THE BOOK!
Page 22: The Acropolis.

This is a never-before-seen Tweet from Historical Tweets: The Completely Unabridged and Ridiculously Brief History of the World. The book hits stores on April 27 — pick up your pre-order today from the likes of Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Borders, and more.

A Real Greek Tragedy, Lived Out on Twitter

Twitter Historian — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 17:13:55 +0000

Pheidippides: Feeling invincible after sprinting 26 miles to deliver to the news.
MaratonTimes: News alert: R.I.P. Pheidippides

Da Vinci’s Secret Inspiration

Twitter Historian — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 17:15:34 +0000

Leonardo Da Vinci: Serious artist’s block today. Luckily, I found inspiration at danbrown.com.

The First Olympics

Twitter Historian — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 17:05:36 +0000

Sore in all the wrong places from the race. Whose idea was it to make the Olympic Games clothing-optional?

Love, Retweeted

Twitter Historian — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 18:00:04 +0000

Earlier this week, we shared two new Valentine’s Day tweets. It reminded us of two older tweets worth of the Valentine’s Day treatment. Enjoy, and pass along to those still in the mood for historic love…

WW2_General (Dwight D. Eisenhower): @Troops Your ‘Welcome Home” kits contain scented candles and massage oils. Couldn’t afford the contraceptives, so be careful…

Mentalist (Plato): so tired of the “let’s just be friends” talk

Happy Valentine’s Day from @Adam1 & Historical Tweets

Twitter Historian — Sun, 14 Feb 2010 18:14:05 +0000

@Adam1: @eve Happy First Valentine’s Day. You’re the only one in the world for me. Seriously. I’ve looked.

The Pope’s Twitter Crusade

Twitter Historian — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 17:22:05 +0000

Pope Urban II (Pope1088): Last Crusaders just left for Turkey. Just this one last skirmish, then Christians and Muslims will never fight again.

Dinos Love You Long Time

Twitter Historian — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 16:11:15 +0000

Triceratops (@Triplehorned): Me so horny.

The First Tweetsgiving

Twitter Historian — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 19:00:28 +0000

Squanto: RT @JohnWayne Howdy, pilgrims.
PilgrimJohn: If I eat even one more bite of turkey, I’ll need to loosen the belts on my hat and shoes.
PilgrimAbigail: That corn was amaize-ing. I’ll have to steal their land… I mean, recipe.
Ahchoo: RT @X Plymouth Rock landed on us! http://bit.ly/7k2vq4
MrsTurkey: Still grieving. Wake scheduled for Monday.

Noah’s On a Boat!

Twitter Historian — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 17:40:56 +0000

From BiblicalTweets.com:

FloodWatcher (Noah): Just locked the door. Everyone’s on the boat safe. Wife, kids, animals, & T-Pain.

King Tut Tweets

Twitter Historian — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 16:38:25 +0000

Ah, the good ol’ days of SNL…

funkytut (King Tutankhamun): Excited for the move to Babylonia, but I will miss Arizona.

Goliath Tweets Great Advice, from BiblicalTweets.com

Twitter Historian — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 15:33:25 +0000

As first seen on BiblicalTweets.com…

Goliath: @PhilistineYouths And another thing, don’t do drugs. There’s nothing worse than getting stoned.

[New and separate tweets every day. Follow and subscribe to the new site BiblicalTweets.com or @thetweetsofgod]

The Measure of a Man: Archimedes

Twitter Historian — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 15:07:20 +0000

Archimedes: Unsuccessfully tried to measure the surface area of one of my big round pies…ugh. From now on, the pies are square.

[oh snap, math humor!]

Martin Luther Tweets His Complaints to Rome

Twitter Historian — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 15:55:20 +0000

Martin Luther: @PopeLeoX Indulge me with a DM. I have 95 theses and only 140 characters.
Submitted by William Ginn – thanks William!

This Greek Gets No Love…

Twitter Historian — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 15:22:46 +0000

Plato: so tired of the “let’s be friends” talk.

Fan Tweet Thursday: Atlas Tweeted

Twitter Historian — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 20:05:07 +0000

From Sean Tucker:

Atlas: Feel the Burn!!!

Fan Tweet Thursday: Mt. Olympus

Twitter Historian — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 16:04:59 +0000

From Twitterstorian Rachel Carter:

Thor: @Zeus Stop stealing my thunder! (And all the hot chicks!)

Fan Tweet Thursday: Solomon

Twitter Historian — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 19:55:46 +0000

Again, from Sean Tucker:

Solomon: Had to cut 3 babys in half 2day b4 some1 finally got it right!!!

Retweet: Genghis Khan’s Legacy

Twitter Historian — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 15:49:52 +0000

Genghis Khan: If my legacy is nothing more than this delicious BBQ, I’ll be happy.
[originally posted November 20, 2008]

Hippocrates Swears He’ll Get What’s Coming to Him

Twitter Historian — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 15:35:56 +0000

Hippocrates: Still no royalty check from ER, House, or Grey’s. Lawyer’s on it, but I’m getting madder and madder with each episode.

From Wikipedia: “The Hippocratic Oath is an oath traditionally taken by doctors swearing to ethically practice medicine. It is widely believed to have been written by Hippocrates, the father of western medicine, in the 4th century BC.”

Cleopatra’s Vanity Tweet

Twitter Historian — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 15:00:21 +0000

real miss cleo (Cleopatra): Hate to seem vain, but my manservants keep pointing behind me and yelling “killer ass”

From Wikipedia: “Cleopatra died from an asp bite.”

Fan Tweet Thursday: Galileo

Twitter Historian — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 20:15:31 +0000

Hat tip to Twitterstorian Sebastian…

ggalilei (Galileo Galilei) : And yet it moves! #earth #toldyouso

Noah’s Ark, as Told by @EddieIzzard

Twitter Historian — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 15:24:52 +0000

Noah: @2Ducks Get in the boat.
2Ducks: @Noah We’re not coming.
Noah: @2Ducks You have to come. RT @God There’s a big flood coming yr way. Plans: http://bit.ly/uS4ve
2Ducks: @Noah So? We float either way.
2Swams: Why didn’t we think of that?

PS — Big fans of comedian Eddie Izzard, especially his Old Testament bit. Caution: British use of swears (more socially acceptable than Canadian cussing, those sailors).

50 Famous Lines of #Tweetspeare

Twitter Historian — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 14:44:08 +0000

Last week, our William Shakespeare Historical Tweet got the Twittersphere a-thinking about great lines of Shakespeare, retold in 140 characters as #Tweetspeare.

Here are 50 lines from @WillyShakes’ famous plays contributed by HT fans. Leave your comments about which line belongs to which play, and, perchance, dream up some more!

@historicaltweet: @Romeo, O @Romeo, why is your username @Romeo?
@jpker: To Tweet or not to Tweet, that is the question.
@truejedi: Shall I compare tweet to a summer’s day?
@briancormier: Get thee to a tweetery!
@roboaaron: Friends, Romans, Tweeps, lend me your ears; I come to bury @Caesar, not to @reply him.
@writeordie: Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow, creeps in this petty tweet from tweet to tweet.
@smrtmnky: Check your phone! Just got a tweet that @Rosencrantz & @Guildenstern are dead!!
@Anastasialadiab: My lord, I have tweets of yours that I have longed long to retweet. I pray you, now receive them.
@smrtmnky: To dream perchance to tweet. Ah! There’s the URL!
@janeaustenworld: All the world’s a-twitter. And all the men and women merely twittering tweets.
@jdbridgman: Once more unto the Twittersphere, dear friends, once more.
@katedjones: Full of scorpions are my tweets, dear wife.
@histfon: The lady doth tweet too much, methinks.
@dancentheaisles: Tweet havoc, and let slip the RTs of war!
@LaLaGiDeoN: I have wasted tweets, and now doth tweets waste me.
@jdbridgman: Once more unto the Twittersphere, dear friends, once more.
@funkwurm: That which we call a rose. By any other name would smell as tweet.
@Soccer_Mum: Alas, poor @Yorick! I knew him, @Horatio, a fellow of infinite tweets, of most excellent @replies.
@MLx: Out! Out damn bot!
@Anastasialadiab: Tweet me, Kate!
@Anastasialadiab: He that hath a Twitter account is more than a youth, and he that hath no Twitter account is less than a man.
@Anastasialadiab: Tweet low if you tweet love.
@Anastasialadiab: Sigh no more, ladies, sigh no more, Men were deceivers ever / One tweet in sea and one on shore, To one tweet constant never
@Anastasialadiab: A wicked tweet this way comes.
@AnthonyBialy: A tweet, a tweet! My kingdom for a tweet!

25 more Tweetspeare lines after the jump…

@tom_burkdall: Nothing can come of nothing: tweet again.
@Anrky: That which we call a rose, by any other name, would smell as tweet.
@Anrky: When shall we three tweetup again / In thunder, lightning, or in rain?
@DWhitti: Say @Brutus, you too man? I thought we were tweeps.
@janeaustenworld: This above all: to thine own tweet be true.
@janeaustenworld: The course of true love never did tweet smooth.
@anaheart: All that Twitters is not gold.
@anaheart: My tweets fly up, my DMs remain below.
@anaheart: Is this a tweet which I see before me.
@anaheart: One that tweeted not wisely but too well…
@janeaustenworld: Brevity is the soul of twit.
@janeaustenworld: We are such stuff as dreams are made on, rounded with a little tweet.
@anaheart: Something is tweeting in the state of Denmark.
@anaheart: O, I tweet, Horatio…
@anaheart: Journeys end in tweeters meeting.
@anaheart: O villain, villain, smiling, tweeting villain!
@anaheart: What’s here? The portrait of a tweeting idiot, / Presenting my with a schedule!
@anaheart: I follow him to serve my tweet upon him.
@anaheart: I am not what I tweet.
@alecmcnayr: Some are born great (@THE_REAL_SHAQ), some achieve greatness (@aplusk), and some have greatness tweeted upon them (@hammer).
@alecmcnayr: If Twitter be the food of love, tweet on!
@alecmcnayr: An auto-DM on both your houses!
@alecmcnayr: Now is the Twitter of our discontent.
@alecmcnayr: Parting is such tweet sorrow / That I shall say #goodnight till it be morrow.
@alecmcnayr: The fault, dear @Brutus, is not in our tweets, / But in ourselves, that we are followers.

Fan Tweet Thursday: Caesar’s Leafy Greens

Twitter Historian — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 18:15:07 +0000

Thanks again to Andy Cruz for this gem. Just think: if this had never happened, The Cheesecake Factory, Red Robin, and Chili’s and Red Robin would go out of business.

‘lilCaesar (Caesar): Had a refreshing bowl of lettuce today, still thinking about what to call it

Fan Tweet Thursday: In 1492…

Twitter Historian — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 19:30:45 +0000

One of our favorite fan-submitted Tweets of all time, from Martin van der Linden:

Christopher Columbus: @QueenIsabella Send more funds, roaming fees are ridiculous here.

Fan Tweet Thursday: Anne Boleyn

Twitter Historian — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 17:30:56 +0000

After seeing our Henry VIII Tweet, people are loving Anne Boleyn’s Historical Tweets…

Consider this one from Ben Yzaguirre:

Anne Bolelyn (Ann_n_Henry_4eva): @Big_Pimpin_Henry Sorry I lost my head the other night.

Or check out this one from Reed & Val:

Anne Boleyn (QUEENB): Feeling kind of lightheaded today, lol!

Fan Tweet Thursday: Socrates

Twitter Historian — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 14:05:40 +0000

Thanks to Sean Tucker for sending in this Historical Tweet:

Socrates (Socratic Method Man): @Platonicluvr Just tried a phat new wine. By the Gods it’s goo-

Shakespeare’s Iambic Tweetameter

Twitter Historian — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 14:00:05 +0000

William Shakespeare: My mates and I are being forced to read @Chaucer. Is there anything more brutal than slogging through unreadable old English stories?

Henry VIII Tweets New Love

Twitter Historian — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 15:11:38 +0000

Henry8: what would i do without match.com?

The 10 Tweetmandments

Twitter Historian — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 15:30:20 +0000

Also very funny: God texts the Ten Commandments from McSweeney’s.

Moses: New blog post: “Making it to the Promised Land: 10 things every Israelite should know” — please Digg. http://bit.ly/SCOyP

Columbus Twitters Trouble on the High Seas

Twitter Historian — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 14:00:34 +0000

Christopher Columbus: several men injured today when rear end of Pinta burst into flames

Biblical Tweets: King Herod

Twitter Historian — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 13:50:07 +0000

Thanks again to La Libertine for submitting today’s Historical Tweet!

King Herod the Great: @GreaterPalestine Infant tax to rise 10,000%, effective immediately.

Historical Conversations Noted in Twitter Presentation

Twitter Historian — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 21:00:07 +0000

Just got an email from Boise, ID-based branding/marketing company Tricycle, who tipped us off to a presentation they recently gave, that featured some twitterstorical conversations. Really funny stuff. You can even watch them give the presenation on YouTube.

A few slides from their presentation:

More after the break:

The Gutenberg Tweet

Twitter Historian — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 12:45:53 +0000

Today’s Historical Tweet is our last for a few weeks.

How ironic (or is it?) that it’s from our favorite Gutenberg, Johannes (screw you, Steve), inventor of the first printing press… we’re taking a few weeks off to hit the books and discover more Historical Tweets. We’ll keep you abreast of our mighty travels to libraries around the world a la Indiana Jones, but until then, enjoy this gem:

Protected by Creative Commons, so please ask permission before reproducing on t-shrts, postcards, and business cards. Thanks!

@johannesG: Finally finished invention. Disappointed to learn that no one can read. (Johnnes Gutenberg, inventor of the Gutenberg Press)

A Real, Old-School Flame War Begins on Twitter

Twitter Historian — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 12:45:17 +0000

Twitterstorian La Libertine comes through again. (See also: Pompeii) What happens when Groove Armada gets involved?

EngArmada: @SpanishArmada PWND!

Cause of Death? 50 Tweets in the Back.

Twitter Historian — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 12:45:22 +0000

Brutus: @JuliusC Thanks for the birthday knife. I’ll always have your back. (Julius Caesar)

The Genesis of All Tweets

Twitter Historian — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 13:50:32 +0000

adam1: @God OMY! I’m naked!

The Face That Launched a Thousand Tweets

Twitter Historian — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 12:45:31 +0000

Helen of Troy Tweet

Helen: Pressure is mounting. My mother always said, “never put out after just one war.”

What 79AD Disaster Could Have Been Avoided With More Twitter Followers?

Twitter Historian — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 12:50:28 +0000

Twitterstorian La Libertine submitted this great Historical Tweet. La, we look forward to many more submissions from you. Thanks!

MT_Vesuvius: @Pompeii Uh… run?

Alexander the Tweet

Twitter Historian — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 17:22:13 +0000

Order an Alexander the Tweet t-shirt or coffee mug!

Accomplishments just earned me title “Alexander the Good.” Must work harder.

THIS TWEET IS IN THE BOOK!

ON SALE NOW!! BOTH ONLINE AND IN STORES

Order the first Historical Tweets gifts, featuring “Alexander the Tweet.”

From the Cutting Room Floor: Joan of Arc 2

Twitter Historian — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 15:30:52 +0000

Another Joan of Arc tweet we had researched, but didn’t use. (see Joan of Arc 1)

Left the sunscreen at home. Arrrrgh. I’ll never be burned worse than I am now.

Joan of Arc’s Twitter Visions

Twitter Historian — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 14:00:54 +0000

OMG. Forgot I left the BBQ on. Nothing I hate more than burned steak.

Genghis Khan Twittering BBQ

Twitter Historian — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 14:00:24 +0000

If my legacy is nothing more than this delicious BBQ, I’ll be happy.